Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
