i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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