Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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