You're a womanizer and a bitch.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
