no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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