this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
