Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Someone signed my nipple.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
