I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
