She announced her abortion via fbk
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
