The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
