Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
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Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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