if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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