I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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