Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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