I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
