WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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