k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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