dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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