The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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