Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Congratulations! We have a period
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
