I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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