Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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