I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
