please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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