so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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