I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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