I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
