I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
