Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
