I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
