I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
