I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Drake has all the answers
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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