just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
