SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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