...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
