so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
BRING THE BAGELS
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
