mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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