took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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