Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
