Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
