she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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