she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
