I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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