Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
