ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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