You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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