matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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