Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
