FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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