No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
