you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
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she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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