If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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