Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
