I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
