its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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