then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
