I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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