I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
