Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
