This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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