Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My hand turned me down
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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