didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
