You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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