Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
