Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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