I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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