Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
