I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
