We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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